SELFISH!

 Hurt when gotten tastes sweet but when given takes a heavy toll on you and the future ahead...regret goes deeper than guilt and scars you with life-long shame, it shakes the sense of self belief and worth! I might have survived if it was done to me but how do I look at my very own shadow knowing I betrayed my love. It shatters me as I look down to myself in the reflection of past: a someone who now deserves to be a no one.

what's harder? The thought to be surviving with the same self : knowing how it gnaws me with the horrors of my actions. The thought of repentance that lingers as a leech drinking the elixir of remorse...it eats away my conscious even though how hard I try to look still on the outside, the turmoil within is growing like a hurricane. A slow toll to take what lies ahead...

How do I stop this rage and hate I developed for self? Is there no way back to rewiring the timeline? Can I not get just one chance to remake my decisions? no...being vulnerable is your punishment!!! But what did I learn?? Was it all worth to lose you in the process? to lose my own self? 

How ironical, I request you to forgive me: I'm still the same- SELFISH! 

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